Is my perfectionism actually keeping me from God?

The holy fathers say one of the reasons that people, when they fall into sins, sense the presence of God, is because in that moment they become humbled and humiliated by their failures. But in their humiliation and their humility they are actually closer to God, because they have gone down to where God is, in humility. People often think they have to go up. Oh Father, I'm not doing this right, or I'm not doing that right. A lot of perfectionism gets confessed. Oh, I need to do this better. Oh, I'm struggling with this. And everybody's thinking, God is up here and I'm down here, and I'm going to go up to God by doing more and better, gooder things in the church, and I'm going to be more moral, and I'm going to do a better fast, and I'm going to do this. So they're always thinking they're going to do something better to win God's favour, or that God's going to be there as they go up to him. And it's the exact opposite. It's the exact opposite. It's that we're here full of pride and arrogance, and God is down here in humility and love. We only find God when we go down. It's the humility. We don't have enough humility to see God. It's not that we don't have enough good works to see God. That's a fallacy. St Mary of Egypt, when she was standing at the doors of the church, right before she even repented at all, was so full of pride that she was barred from entering the church. Did she become a good person? No, she didn't. She became a humble person. And she humbled herself and begged God have mercy, and in that moment all of the grace descended on her, and a great miracle happened, and she encountered God.